Fitness Part 2:
In the last blog I expounded upon the origins of my love of fitness. Through the example of my father, and a natural aptitude, i enjoyed decades of long distance running, until, not a year after running my ultra marathon- i required knee surgery.
The timing of course was no coincidence. Training for my ultra-marathon was unbelievably grueling, and I did myself a disservice by only training up to 40 miles. Meaning that by the time race day had come, not only was I running at competitive speed- but I also had to run 10 miles further than i ever had before in my life.
The Surgery BUMMED ME.
NOT FUN.
I sat around and got too skinny because I refused to eat much- in fear that I would get fat and sloppy, since I wasn't running or exercising.
I got depressed. And weeks later, when I was actually able to get around, i started hitting the weights,
I had done alot of weight training in my life. although my focus had usually been running.
But now i focused on the weights with a passion.
partly because it was a way to exercise without using my knee. and partly because of my vanity.
And things went great. i quickly grew in strength and size and increased in aesthetic appearance.
when i was 25 i weight trained for some time, and i also took anabolic steroids and testosterone for 6 months. but this time, i wanted to do it all natural.
So i trained natural, except for creatine and protein supplements.
You'd think i was happy then; and mostly I was- but i found myself suffering pretty badly from body dysmorphia.
of the sort where i could look in the mirror and immediately begin disparaging myself. I'm too scrawny, i'm tiny, weak.
and then ten minutes later look in the mirror and tell myself i was too fat, my body is sloppy, etc.
pure madness. how could i be both scrawny skinny, and fat?
It doesnt make sense but It has been a big part of my sense of self- regarding working out.
Now, after the birth of my baby, starting up my marketing company, and my taking so many clients- i havent worked out in a month and a half, or really exercised at all. And i really miss it very much
But I think I'm ok. I'm sort of forced to realize that my self worth isn't my level of fitness. or how much i can bench. Obviously the baby is so much more important, as is my career.
Maybe down the road sooner than later, I'll be able to work out again.
The timing of course was no coincidence. Training for my ultra-marathon was unbelievably grueling, and I did myself a disservice by only training up to 40 miles. Meaning that by the time race day had come, not only was I running at competitive speed- but I also had to run 10 miles further than i ever had before in my life.
The Surgery BUMMED ME.
NOT FUN.I sat around and got too skinny because I refused to eat much- in fear that I would get fat and sloppy, since I wasn't running or exercising.
I got depressed. And weeks later, when I was actually able to get around, i started hitting the weights,
I had done alot of weight training in my life. although my focus had usually been running.
But now i focused on the weights with a passion.
partly because it was a way to exercise without using my knee. and partly because of my vanity.
And things went great. i quickly grew in strength and size and increased in aesthetic appearance.
when i was 25 i weight trained for some time, and i also took anabolic steroids and testosterone for 6 months. but this time, i wanted to do it all natural.
So i trained natural, except for creatine and protein supplements.
You'd think i was happy then; and mostly I was- but i found myself suffering pretty badly from body dysmorphia.
of the sort where i could look in the mirror and immediately begin disparaging myself. I'm too scrawny, i'm tiny, weak.
and then ten minutes later look in the mirror and tell myself i was too fat, my body is sloppy, etc.
pure madness. how could i be both scrawny skinny, and fat?
It doesnt make sense but It has been a big part of my sense of self- regarding working out.
Now, after the birth of my baby, starting up my marketing company, and my taking so many clients- i havent worked out in a month and a half, or really exercised at all. And i really miss it very much
But I think I'm ok. I'm sort of forced to realize that my self worth isn't my level of fitness. or how much i can bench. Obviously the baby is so much more important, as is my career.
Maybe down the road sooner than later, I'll be able to work out again.
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